One of Marshall Rosenberg’s books has a diagram called “Name of the Game”.
In the game called “Who’s Right/Who’s Wrong”, the goal is to get what I want even at someone else’s expense. Evaluation is based on moralistic judgments, labels, and statements such as “You are wrong, so you deserve . . .” Motivation comes from punishment, reward, guilt, shame, and obligation.
But we can play a different game, called “Let’s Make Life More Wonderful”. Here the goal is to create a quality of connection with another person, such that everyone's needs are met. We decide what to do by asking, “Does It Serve Life? Is it consistent with my values? Are everyone’s needs being considered?” Motivation comes from the joy of freely giving to another, the joy of receiving freely from another, and doing something because I WANT to not because I SHOULD.
The idea of changing my game was exciting. I did not enjoy “SHOULD”. I hated it when it was addressed to me. It didn’t create a lot of warm fuzziness when I heard it in my words to others. AND, it wasn’t much fun doing stuff because “I should”. Actually changing my game has been a real challenge.
The exercises in this workshop are adapted from standard NVC materials and are also based on my experience working through everyday situations in which my immediate reaction was a self-righteous “..but she was way out of line… just … WRONG.’
This workshop is designed for those who have a good grasp of the Nonviolent Communications model. If you have not attended an NVC workshop or been in a practice group for at least three months, please come one hour early, at 1:00 pm, for a brief introduction.
Register or ask questions at workshopreg at gmail.com. Or call me, Hally Childs, 301 270 8754. I would enjoy receiving $15 / person but am willing to accept a different amount.