by Lynd Morris
A simple, playful acronym can make all the difference when you find yourself in a difficult situation and are about to say or do something you may regret:
S top
T ake-a-breath
A nd
R econnect
And what is it you reconnect with when you miraculously remember to reach for this STAR?
Yourself.
This quick, easy-to-use, self-contained, and completely portable practice instantly creates enough space for those who use it to remember to check their internal reality— by asking themselves: “What am I feeling and what am I needing?”—before any action is taken. Whatever follows is more likely to be authentic and compassionate.
The Pause that Refreshes
Communicating compassionately tends to take much more time than conventional conversations, mostly because each person in an NVC dialogue is constantly reaching for a STAR. And once they’ve connected with their own feelings and needs, they naturally become curious about each others.
Reaching for a STAR when talking with someone unfamiliar with NVC may require a little more creativity, but it is not unusual to ask for a few moments to reflect on what someone else has said. Can you imagine including these in your conversations?
I need a moment to consider this.
Let me just think about that for a bit.
I’d like to check in with myself before responding.
Sometimes you might need to take more than a moment to reconnect with the needs washing around inside yourself. If so, see if you can take a short break from the conversation by visiting the drinking fountain or the rest room or even just by looking out the window or moving to the other side of the room.
Once you’ve gotten clarity about what you are feeling and needing, you are in a much better position to make a request that might meet your needs. You are also more likely to discern the other needs present in others.
From Self-Connection to Empowerment
I will be offering several NVC trainings in early 2011 that will address what happens after you STAR:
January 9, 2011
“An Introduction to Learning NVC, Living Compassion”—a half-day intro and tune-up workshop for anyone.
January 29, 2011
“NVC for Couples” —a half-day intro and tune-up workshop for couples
March – August 2011
"The Learning NVC, Living Compassion Program"—6-month immersion program of monthly half-day workshops for anyone who has already attended an intro.
March – July 2011
The “Welcoming LIFE Program”—5-month advanced program of monthly day-long workshops for people who’ve attended 30+ hours NVC training and have 6+ months of NVC practice.
I am also one of 3 CNVC certified trainers who, in January, will begin offering a mentoring program for emerging NVC leaders in the Metro DC area.
And, I will be leading the parents program at the Family HEART Camp scheduled to be held in Northern Virginia in late June/early July 2011.
If you are interested in any of these events, please contact me.
Lynd Morris is an NVC trainer certified by the global Center for Nonviolent Communication. She graduated from the 2005 North America NVC Leadership Program and has participated in the NVC LIFE Program since it began in 2006. For more than 5 years she has led NVC classes and workshops in Maryland and Virginia and has participated in or assisted at numerous NVC trainings across the United States. Lynd is a founding member of Capital NVC and is a member of the Still Water Mindfulness Practice Center in Silver Spring, Maryland. In 1997, she was ordained as a lay member of Thich Nhat Hanh’s Order of Interbeing.